This year has taught me so much about how much utter garbage is being thrown into our external world but more so about how I've allowed that external garbage to seep into my internal paradise.
I've long held the belief that inner personal happiness and contentment comes in the form of material and financial stability as well as inner emotional balance through self-
appreciation and self-direction...WELL I STILL THINK THIS ACTUALLY HAHAHA.
The reason I'm writing this post is tell myself that I was onto something spiritually significant which had anchors in material reality BUT I lost faith in this during 2020 as Covid lingered.
I started the year off in very negative circumstances and situations with people that didn't allow me to grow as an individual and were too self obsessed to realise that I was not someone to take for granted...BUT THIS WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE IN THINKING!
I've since realised that the amount of ego I was living in at that time was blurring my thoughts, emotions and actions and I now look back and think, nobody wronged me - I wronged myself.
The lesson that really stands out to me right now, after having my addictive tendencies fueled, my depression rise again and suicide re-enter my thoughts and actions is this...
"following your own life path only requires one single person, YOU"
What I mean by this is that despite feeling confident in my visions and intentions, I still felt the need for approval and acceptance of my own destined direction. I was still looking externally for validation and for people to offer me what they could never give me.
Remember this part because I think it's remarkably important - people can only ever OFFER you what you require or want or need but only you can GIVE yourself what you require or want or need!!!
People have said to me and I see it everywhere today, that I over think and spend too much time internalising everything which could be true with some things but know this...it takes courage to go within the depths of yourself, it's an act of bravery to battle your demons, it takes diplomacy, empathy, understanding, knowledge, love, compassion and sincerity to question your beliefs.
I am a person and a soul who was born free, I believe we are all born free but this life takes away our freedom as we grow older and it starts from the minute we are born. But crucially we all have a choice as to which route we take and believe you me, it's not easy to change negatives into positives - Lord knows I've tried and tried.
I choose not to be a slave to others but to serve others through my own means. I am now at a stage of recovery which is breaking free of the anchors in which I became accustomed because they were no longer serving me - I chose to hold onto these anchors because I was afraid of what would happen if I let go and right in that is the whole point of this.
I believed I was tied, bound and trapped but in fact I was holding onto something that restricted my freedom. FEAR. I've mentioned it before, False Evidence Appearing Real.
Throw out other peoples opinions, throw out other peoples negativity and more importantly than that, throw out your own fears of what will happen if you let go and by letting go, I mean - THINKING, FEELING, ANALYSING, CHOOSING & DOING for yourself.
Everyone is on their own journey but it does not mean you have to journey alone. Tell your own truth and stand by yourself no matter what because if choosing your own unique path forces people to distance from you, then you're already on a new path - just with a few less anchors weighing you down.
Daryl J Cauvin
19th November 2020
Personal Trainer, Lifestyle Coach, Entrepreneur & Self-Appointed Philosopher (the last one's a joke haha...see...I put haha...has to be a joke right!)